An Introduction to Bacon

As always, this is going to be a realllly exciting and fascinating story. I have been wanting to make these Bacon Egg and Cheese Biscuit Cups for a while now. I don't like bacon, but I still recognize that it is an integral part of some of the best breakfast foods, so I am willing to use it as an ingredient. I know, you are SHOCKED and APPALLED that a person might not like bacon, but we never ate it as kids, and I barely even knew what it was until I was much older. I'd say it's cause I am "Jewish," but I know that isn't why, since we certainly did not keep kosher, and my Dad used to be a butcher at some point before I was born, and according to my Mom, he would definitely bring home bacon. The bacon.

Now that I have come clean about my indifference to America's favorite breakfast meat, you probably don't trust me. But I do try! My Mother-in-Law is probably one of the best chefs on the planet, and she often uses bacon in food. A lot. So I have come to expect seeing it around, and even enjoying it on some level, but still, bacon on its own to me has been like eating burnt grossness. I just don't get the appeal and obsessive devotion that goes along with the cult of the bacon.

THAT IS UNTIL RIGHT NOW. Like 5 minutes ago.

Pearce is out walking the demon, and I made him put the bacon in the over before he left because when it comes to me making him bacon, he will do whatever he can to ease along the process. It was my job to take it out of the oven and put it on the paper towels to dry off the grease. (This is part of why I can't handle eating it! It is like 90% fat that you have to manually dry away!?). But I still figured I should taste a bit just to see that it was OK.

LIFE CHANGING.
OMG.

This piece of bacon that I ate was so incredibly delicious. It filled my mouth with joy and happiness. I felt like I could bring about world peace and supply everyone with universal health care.

It was so fucking good, I was shocked. I have tried a lot of pieces of bacon at the request of people who insist that it is not possible to dislike bacon, and I have never experienced a piece of bacon like I just had now 8 minutes ago.

I then decided I needed to share this revelation with you, my many readers. The problem was that before I actually started to write, I decided to taste a second piece, to see if I could re-capture the experience to better describe it. And you know what? It was gross. Salty, burnt dreck. I feel like I am chasing the dragon! Now I have this memory of blissful bacon, but my mouth now tastes like an ashtray made of pork. And it's not like the piece I ate was visibly burnt, I selected the one that looked the most stereotypically "bacon-like."

WHAT THE FUCK BACON, WHAT THE FUCK.
I feel betrayed, confused and sad, and I wonder if this is why the Jews of yore forswore the pork.

Aaaaa-AAAAA-men.