Hairy Business: Judgement Day: Count Down

Apparently the rapture is happening on May 21st, and then the world will end five months later on October 21st. Mark your calendar, and find some sinner to watch your pets! As a non-religious/atheist jew, with a giggly view of JC and the bible, I can't possibly expect to be raptured, so the next 11 days are all I have before the suffering and eventual end of the world. If you need a post-rapture kitty litter changer, give me a call, and for a small fee of $299.99, you can rest assured that your cat will be tended to!

It's surprising that people aren't starting to flip out about this and go to extremes! Maybe this is why my coworker mysteriously quit last week! He was on to something.

If you really wanted to play the system to your best advantage, you should have a grand old time for the next 10 days: orgies, drugs, coveting thy neighbor's wife, gluttony, islam, long naps, and sodomy, just for starters! SIN SIN SIN! Then right before (because the rapture is happening at 6PM... is that eastern? pacific?) you atone or whatever you have to do to get raptured. I don't know how it works, but it doesn't seem like it would be that hard. Only morons believe this stuff, and honestly, I think Jesus and his Dad are gonna be pretty disappointed in the group they get if they do indeed decide to pass judgement this May.

Also, what does the actual rapture entail? When I see/hear the word "rapture" I inevitably think "rupture" and then I think about a whole slew of gross medical mysteries. Other times I have to sing "house of... jealous lovers." And sometimes I think "raptor." Raptors rule!

If being raptured means you have to spend eternity with the type of people who actually believe the rapture is coming, then I think eternal damnation sounds more like my cup of boiling sulfur and brimstone.

However, it does sound like there is an alien abduction theme in this particular rapture prediction, which I find more attractive.