 |
| Dog with brows feels left out. |
ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Saturday, June 11, 2011
The Specialest Bean: Birthday Tribute
O Mistress Bean, I miss you SO MUCH. Everyone does. Your birthday is happening, and the lack of slip n' sliding, trampolining and YOU is definitely significant and depressing to many people. Get your butt back to America, STAT!
My first memory of S.Bean was when a bunch of us girls were signed up to be in a children's production of Bye Bye Birdie. I was in the Chorus (surprising because I cannot sing). I think the Special one had a speaking part, but I can't remember details. I know Lumpkin had some sort of line too. Not so much for me. Anyway, the Specialest Bean was someone I must have met before this time, but I can't sort out those memories without the help of hypnotism. Either way, this was the beginning of a very important time in my life: The Era of the Bean! Of course, there was no bean yet. That came much later, but still.
We went to sleep away camp, and she and I were in a production of a Midsummer's Night Dream. We had extremely minor roles, but we took them very seriously. The best part is, that Bean and I were sooo NOT theater kids. Like you know who I mean, those people who believe they are going to be on Broadway or in movies or something like that. We weren't those people at all, and still are DEFINITELY not those people at present (way too awkward), so why the heck were we in so many plays together? Sometimes I think both of us were very flamey gay men/drag queens in a past life. It would explain so much.
As a young girl, the Bean was basically (oh, base) a bean pole. So gangly! Her mom would make her keep boxes of cookies in her room to help her put on weight. No one would have guessed at the time, but she ended up having probably the biggest boobs of any of us. Bitch!
She had the BEST sleep over parties of anyone. We would stay up all night prank calling boys we liked, and we would order pizzas so Joanna or Lumpkin could answer the door in nothing but a towel. Classy.
Also, her Bat Mitzvah was the most awesome! Instead of dancing to the Spice Girls with blow up guitars, she took a small group of ladies to Hershey Park, which was totally amazing!!
Two Words: Buzzy Shane. Her grandfather is THE KING of horny old men. His business card is a modified version of this... PS If you want to play fair, pick a number first, then scroll down to see.
PICK A NUMBER!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Did you pick 3?!?!? Well did you!?!
When we were in high school, I went to Puerto Vallarta with Bean and her fam, and we went to Buzzy's place there, and it was full of posters of sexy naked ladies and there was a statue of people having sex. He is the epitome of dirty old man and he is probably the coolest person ever. Also, there was a story where he got interviewed by some newspaper in Florida about the recall election thing that happened a while ago, and he gave his name as George Succotash. I remember that newspaper clipping was on the fridge at the Bean household. Amazing. Hopefully we can get Miss S.B. to write a piece highlighting the true Viagra fueled magic that is her grandfather.
The Special Bean was originally the name of her first car. It was a beautiful maroon colored sedan that looked like a kidney bean. Hence the name.
When we both decided to go to the same college, we elected to be college roommates. I LOVED living with this girl. She had many strange rituals, which nicely complemented my many strange rituals. She slept on the top bunk, and I slept on the bottom. It was an ideal place for her to flick hair rubber bands, and other fidgets into the air. The best part was, that one evening, she went to bed in a pair of sweatpants, and I woke up in them. She had removed them in her sleep, and dropped them down onto my bed, so when I went to bed much later, I found them in my covers and put them on. What else was I supposed to do?
At one point, her parents took us on a road trip somewhere for something? And on the way, we stopped at a furniture warehouse, where Bean and I lounged on discount-priced sofas, and then we stole a framed photo of the employee of the month, Mike Flynn. We kept the picture hanging up in our dorm all through freshman year.
She is a very fidgety person. We came to call the objects of her fidgeting "fidgets." Her favorite at that time had to be tape balls. She would take a piece of tape, or sticker, roll it into a tube between her fingers (sticky side out), and play with it until eventually launching it into the oblivion of our dorm room. As a result, our dorm floor was crawling with tape balls. All socks and shoes had a bunch of the tape tubes stuck to the bottom, and you would find them in unlikely places, like in the minifridge, or in a text book.
She also has somewhat of a heavy hand with delicate things. She had a long-running record of destroying jewelry and other fragile objects, with the excuse "it must have been loose."
The icing on the fidget cake occurred when she was in a large lecture hall at school. She had a pencil and a rubber band at her disposal. Some people might decide to put the rubber band around their wrist for later and to take notes with the pencil, but not the Bean! She is Specialest for a reason! She fashioned a sort of bow or slingshot with the rubber band, stretching it between her fingers, and used the pencil as a kind of arrow-projectile. And then she launched the pencil directly into her eyeball. Of course she screamed, got up and ran out of the lecture hall, half blinded. Lots of people witnessed this.
During college, someone also discovered the Bean's pornstar doppelganger. Blare Segal. (NSFW!). I think the name Blare Segal is supposed to remind you of "Barely Legal," which is pretty brilliant and subtle, if it was intentional, and not just the name of her first pet and the street she lived on as a child.
She wasn't able to make it to the famous Druid Snuggie Solstice Card photoshoot, but she did send a picture of herself wearing a snuggie, being a wizard. So of course, she was secretly photoshopped into the picture!!!
Then there was a surprise unveiling where we ate Afghani food and then revealed the card to her. It was pretty emotional and fantastic.
Then there was the time more recently when we were at a party at Joanna's apartment, and the Bean ripped off her own shirt (reasons unclear) with such forcefulness that she managed to knock over a lamp and blow a fuse. Half of the lights in the apartment went out. The Specialest Bean has SUPER POWERS!!!
To wrap things up, WE ALL LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND WE HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT BIRTHDAY! Go watch a marathon of Degrassi or something. CHILLAX and enjoy yourself! Think about coming home and going to OC and partying like it's 1989! PS- Do you want to share needles? Do you want to be my baby mama?
My first memory of S.Bean was when a bunch of us girls were signed up to be in a children's production of Bye Bye Birdie. I was in the Chorus (surprising because I cannot sing). I think the Special one had a speaking part, but I can't remember details. I know Lumpkin had some sort of line too. Not so much for me. Anyway, the Specialest Bean was someone I must have met before this time, but I can't sort out those memories without the help of hypnotism. Either way, this was the beginning of a very important time in my life: The Era of the Bean! Of course, there was no bean yet. That came much later, but still.
We went to sleep away camp, and she and I were in a production of a Midsummer's Night Dream. We had extremely minor roles, but we took them very seriously. The best part is, that Bean and I were sooo NOT theater kids. Like you know who I mean, those people who believe they are going to be on Broadway or in movies or something like that. We weren't those people at all, and still are DEFINITELY not those people at present (way too awkward), so why the heck were we in so many plays together? Sometimes I think both of us were very flamey gay men/drag queens in a past life. It would explain so much.
As a young girl, the Bean was basically (oh, base) a bean pole. So gangly! Her mom would make her keep boxes of cookies in her room to help her put on weight. No one would have guessed at the time, but she ended up having probably the biggest boobs of any of us. Bitch!
She had the BEST sleep over parties of anyone. We would stay up all night prank calling boys we liked, and we would order pizzas so Joanna or Lumpkin could answer the door in nothing but a towel. Classy.
Also, her Bat Mitzvah was the most awesome! Instead of dancing to the Spice Girls with blow up guitars, she took a small group of ladies to Hershey Park, which was totally amazing!!
Two Words: Buzzy Shane. Her grandfather is THE KING of horny old men. His business card is a modified version of this... PS If you want to play fair, pick a number first, then scroll down to see.
PICK A NUMBER!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Did you pick 3?!?!? Well did you!?!
When we were in high school, I went to Puerto Vallarta with Bean and her fam, and we went to Buzzy's place there, and it was full of posters of sexy naked ladies and there was a statue of people having sex. He is the epitome of dirty old man and he is probably the coolest person ever. Also, there was a story where he got interviewed by some newspaper in Florida about the recall election thing that happened a while ago, and he gave his name as George Succotash. I remember that newspaper clipping was on the fridge at the Bean household. Amazing. Hopefully we can get Miss S.B. to write a piece highlighting the true Viagra fueled magic that is her grandfather.
The Special Bean was originally the name of her first car. It was a beautiful maroon colored sedan that looked like a kidney bean. Hence the name.
When we both decided to go to the same college, we elected to be college roommates. I LOVED living with this girl. She had many strange rituals, which nicely complemented my many strange rituals. She slept on the top bunk, and I slept on the bottom. It was an ideal place for her to flick hair rubber bands, and other fidgets into the air. The best part was, that one evening, she went to bed in a pair of sweatpants, and I woke up in them. She had removed them in her sleep, and dropped them down onto my bed, so when I went to bed much later, I found them in my covers and put them on. What else was I supposed to do?
At one point, her parents took us on a road trip somewhere for something? And on the way, we stopped at a furniture warehouse, where Bean and I lounged on discount-priced sofas, and then we stole a framed photo of the employee of the month, Mike Flynn. We kept the picture hanging up in our dorm all through freshman year.
 |
| Hecht's Furniture Warehouse Employee of the Month: Mike Flynn |
She is a very fidgety person. We came to call the objects of her fidgeting "fidgets." Her favorite at that time had to be tape balls. She would take a piece of tape, or sticker, roll it into a tube between her fingers (sticky side out), and play with it until eventually launching it into the oblivion of our dorm room. As a result, our dorm floor was crawling with tape balls. All socks and shoes had a bunch of the tape tubes stuck to the bottom, and you would find them in unlikely places, like in the minifridge, or in a text book.
She also has somewhat of a heavy hand with delicate things. She had a long-running record of destroying jewelry and other fragile objects, with the excuse "it must have been loose."
The icing on the fidget cake occurred when she was in a large lecture hall at school. She had a pencil and a rubber band at her disposal. Some people might decide to put the rubber band around their wrist for later and to take notes with the pencil, but not the Bean! She is Specialest for a reason! She fashioned a sort of bow or slingshot with the rubber band, stretching it between her fingers, and used the pencil as a kind of arrow-projectile. And then she launched the pencil directly into her eyeball. Of course she screamed, got up and ran out of the lecture hall, half blinded. Lots of people witnessed this.
During college, someone also discovered the Bean's pornstar doppelganger. Blare Segal. (NSFW!). I think the name Blare Segal is supposed to remind you of "Barely Legal," which is pretty brilliant and subtle, if it was intentional, and not just the name of her first pet and the street she lived on as a child.
 |
| Blare Segal! |
She wasn't able to make it to the famous Druid Snuggie Solstice Card photoshoot, but she did send a picture of herself wearing a snuggie, being a wizard. So of course, she was secretly photoshopped into the picture!!!
Then there was a surprise unveiling where we ate Afghani food and then revealed the card to her. It was pretty emotional and fantastic.
 |
| The Bean is tall, but not THAT Tall! Just to be clear, we were actually at stone henge when we took the picture. |
Then there was the time more recently when we were at a party at Joanna's apartment, and the Bean ripped off her own shirt (reasons unclear) with such forcefulness that she managed to knock over a lamp and blow a fuse. Half of the lights in the apartment went out. The Specialest Bean has SUPER POWERS!!!
To wrap things up, WE ALL LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND WE HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT BIRTHDAY! Go watch a marathon of Degrassi or something. CHILLAX and enjoy yourself! Think about coming home and going to OC and partying like it's 1989! PS- Do you want to share needles? Do you want to be my baby mama?
Dancing Queen
ME AT NINE, PERFORMING TO MADONNA IN SUMMER '91! from Robert Jeffrey on Vimeo.
AHH THIS MAKES MY LIFE SO MUCH BETTER! Thank you Jezebel.
It's really only a matter of time before I get my summer camp blue-screen videos uploaded. Watch out!!
Wednesday, June 08, 2011
LOST BOYS: The Final Moments
(Continued from here....)
Tonight I watched the rest of the Lost Boys. Had to! I couldn't wait any longer to find out what the shocking conclusion would be: WHO IS THE HEAD VAMPIRE?! Will Corey Feldman and his Frog Brother help Corey Haim save MichaelMichaelMichael??!?! What about Star and Laddie?
I will run through my thoughts as I watched:
O NO !! Bill S. Preston Esquire is dead!! Bogus. Heinous. Most non-triumphant. Ah, Bill, don't be dead, dude. Can we maybe travel back in time in our phone booth to go stop them from killing him? Rufussss!? O god, Rufus is dead too. Or is this Vampire Bill considered EvilBill at this point, making it ok to brutally stake him through the heart? I assume that stuff is happening sometime in the future and we have to tell our past us's to make sure we don't sleep in that cave that night, or something convoluted like that. Time travel confuses me. Anyway, the vampires must seek revenge!!!
1. The vampires somehow have feet-claws they use to hang upside down while they sleep in their luxury/shabby chic cave with the big, perfectly preserved poster of Jim Morrison. The claws are fascinating, but they seem like a waste of "special effects" and makeup since they make no sense. Case in point: Where did Keifer put his sexy biker boots and leg warmers?!
2. Corey Haim smashing garlic to fight bloodsuckers. Too cute. Such a tragedy!!!
3. Is Star some kind of gypsy fortune teller woman? And who is this Laddie kid? OO! He turns into the girl from the Exorcist! I was expecting his head to spin around, but instead he just sort of growled and got a massive forehead while wearing a Michael Jackson military jacket. Sort of looked like the youngest Hanson brother in his prime.
4. They are using a lot of the Army of Darkness/Evil Dead effect where the camera chases people around while they look terrified. Are they going to get raped by the wind and trees?! And also the blood spraying out of the faucets!! TOO SWEET! I guess holy water, stakes and stag horns are really your only defense against the undead. What about Jew horns? Since horns ultimately killed Vampire David/Keifer Sutherland, we can assume that Jew horns would be an effective method of vampire slaying. Jews: We're just like everyone else, except we have built in vampire protection systems. And we control the media. Just sayin!
5. Vampire David's death scene is sooooo dramatic. When MichaelMichaelMIIICHAELLL was vamping out, and they were flying around in the air with those crazy contacts, I was basically crying with laughter. Then when Vampire David was dying, they were gazing into each others eyes for just a few beats too long. In addition to the contacts, they had those fangs in that give all the dudes these sensual, puffy lips. So they are gazing at each other, sort of duck-facing it, looking like they are gonna kiss. In our dreams, in our dreams. It totally blew my mind when the actual Head Vampire went to look at David's dead body, and his 80s fashion stubble beard was GONE! He was as smooth faced and innocent as a new born Keifer Sutherland. Does that mean that the stubble beard is equated with loss of innocence? Fascinating use of imagery.
6. I always associate the actor who played the Head Vampire with the bad husband in Overboard, one of Pearce and my all time favorites. A while ago they were playing that movie constantly on TBS or something, and we would watch it EVERY TIME. There is soooo much I could say about it, but I won't. Like this exercise in reviewing the Lost Boys, it has been done before, and done WAY better. But at least let's watch this:
7. Grandpa saved the day!! OBVS!! And then he reveals that he knew about the vamps all along! That crazy old taxidermist coot!
My suggestion would be to definitely watch this movie over and over again. It has aged like a fine wine, and is DEFINITELY better today than it probably was even when it came out. Especially in light of other crappy vampire movies that are not currently hilarious, but might be in 20+ years.
Tonight I watched the rest of the Lost Boys. Had to! I couldn't wait any longer to find out what the shocking conclusion would be: WHO IS THE HEAD VAMPIRE?! Will Corey Feldman and his Frog Brother help Corey Haim save MichaelMichaelMichael??!?! What about Star and Laddie?
I will run through my thoughts as I watched:
O NO !! Bill S. Preston Esquire is dead!! Bogus. Heinous. Most non-triumphant. Ah, Bill, don't be dead, dude. Can we maybe travel back in time in our phone booth to go stop them from killing him? Rufussss!? O god, Rufus is dead too. Or is this Vampire Bill considered EvilBill at this point, making it ok to brutally stake him through the heart? I assume that stuff is happening sometime in the future and we have to tell our past us's to make sure we don't sleep in that cave that night, or something convoluted like that. Time travel confuses me. Anyway, the vampires must seek revenge!!!
1. The vampires somehow have feet-claws they use to hang upside down while they sleep in their luxury/shabby chic cave with the big, perfectly preserved poster of Jim Morrison. The claws are fascinating, but they seem like a waste of "special effects" and makeup since they make no sense. Case in point: Where did Keifer put his sexy biker boots and leg warmers?!
2. Corey Haim smashing garlic to fight bloodsuckers. Too cute. Such a tragedy!!!
3. Is Star some kind of gypsy fortune teller woman? And who is this Laddie kid? OO! He turns into the girl from the Exorcist! I was expecting his head to spin around, but instead he just sort of growled and got a massive forehead while wearing a Michael Jackson military jacket. Sort of looked like the youngest Hanson brother in his prime.
 |
| Star's Absentee Father |
4. They are using a lot of the Army of Darkness/Evil Dead effect where the camera chases people around while they look terrified. Are they going to get raped by the wind and trees?! And also the blood spraying out of the faucets!! TOO SWEET! I guess holy water, stakes and stag horns are really your only defense against the undead. What about Jew horns? Since horns ultimately killed Vampire David/Keifer Sutherland, we can assume that Jew horns would be an effective method of vampire slaying. Jews: We're just like everyone else, except we have built in vampire protection systems. And we control the media. Just sayin!
 |
| Could there BE a more perfect picture to illustrate my point!??! |
 |
| Keeping in theme with the BEAR love my blog is getting, here is Jason Statham, sans shirt, sans innocence. DELICIOUS. |
7. Grandpa saved the day!! OBVS!! And then he reveals that he knew about the vamps all along! That crazy old taxidermist coot!
My suggestion would be to definitely watch this movie over and over again. It has aged like a fine wine, and is DEFINITELY better today than it probably was even when it came out. Especially in light of other crappy vampire movies that are not currently hilarious, but might be in 20+ years.
 |
| O who am I kidding?! I LOVE Twilight. |
"How are you finding my blog?" or "The Internet is for Porn" or "GAY PORN XXX HOT MEN HAIRY SEXY"
This summary is not available. Please
click here to view the post.
Tuesday, June 07, 2011
Grapes of Wrath
Look at this INSANE MUTANT GRAPE-MASS that I came across whilst enjoying my favorite snack! It's like the human centipede of grapes. It's like the conjoined octuplets of grapes! I have seen a double-grape before, but this is like at least 8 grapes all fused together. It's simultaneously sexy and grub-like. I am toying with the idea of eating it, but, frankly, it seems dangerous. I will just wait and watch, and make sure it isn't evolving into anything else, or growing wings or teeth. But at least now there is documentation!
THE LOST BOYS
Recently, I saw a really crappy sexy-vampire movie. I'm not a vampire freak or anything like that, but I kept seeing stuff about this one movie on various websites, and so I figured I would give it a watch. It's a German film, and the English title is "We Are The Night." Have you heard of it?
OMG. It was so soooo stupid. The version I saw had subtitles that were in mangled English, but still, I could mostly figure out what they meant. This could be why it seemed extra unbearable, or it could be that the dialogue was that vapid. Anyway, I was really curious about it because it was just so painfully dumb, and yet it still was being discussed a lot on the interwebs (but really just on io9,and bounced around between the different Gawker sites). So after subjecting myself to a viewing, I needed to do more research. Did anyone really like this movie? The jury is still out I suppose. Then, fate intervened and turned blood-sucking into blood-winning. My internet searching lead me to The Lost Boys, an 80's gem I SOMEHOW HAVE NEVER SEEN!!
To be fair, I was only 3 when The Lost Boys came out, but still. I was 4 when Heathers came out, and I have seen that movie a thousand times. HOLY SHIT, BOB, how could this happen? (Note how I am referencing Freeway, another movie where Keifer Sutherland is the bad guy!). I set up my Netflix thingy through our Wii, and searched, and huzzah! The Lost Boys is streaming!! So I watched. I only saw half of it so far, but I think it changed my life. I am sure these things have all been rehashed a thousand times before, but I am seeing them with untainted eyes.
1. Jesus Christ the clothing. I mean... the vampires in this movie dress like the prettiest pansies in the universe, and yet they are supposed to be a biker gang?! And Corey Haim with those giant patterned mumus he is wearing as shirts? AND the man earrings, the sunglasses, the HAIR. I was literally gasping! Every time a new character was introduced, I squealed with glee! Susan Becker is a GENIUS and she deserves many awards. If anyone ever makes a movie of my life, I would like her to do the costume design.
2. The Hair. It gets capitalized here, cause it is that serious. Also, the hair accessories. Lots of head bands. Lots of Designer Stubble. The men have the most glorious manes I have ever seen in cinema, and they are always tossing their hair around, being sexy and frolicky. The issue I forsee is that if they have their vampire hair forever, as is often the case with the vampire genre (ie Kristen Dunst's character in Interview with the Vampire), they are going to have those insane mullets for eternity. ETERNITY. I think all the styles in this movie were so extreme and intense, they burned out super fast. Like even by the time Heathers came out, shit wasn't this insane. Granted, the clothes in that movie are pretty fantastic too, but never to the level of Lost Boys. But you'd think vampires, who supposedly live forever, would steer clear of super trendy things. It would just be more sensible.
3. The saxophone player when MICHAEL first sees Star. (Michael, Michael. Michael? Michael!!). Have you ever seen anything SO AMAZING????? I had no idea that playing the saxophone could be so cool. Why didn't this come back with the 80's resurgence?! His name is Timmy Cappello, and he is still alive. Also, here is a funny article about the sax player of your fantasies.
5. COREY HAIM has a poster of sexy, scantily clad Rob Lowe on his door. WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?! Like ok, Rob Lowe is beautiful, and I guess they wanted to make sure that we understood that Corey Haim's character is young and innocent (no sexy women!), but still. A lot of the things in this movie would be considered pretty unacceptable for a boy to have by today's media's standards.
6. Also, Bill S. Preston, Esquire is in this movie. Can we talk about the beauty-school vampire gang for a second though? They never really say much, they just make a bunch of awkward guffaws and leers. I would really like to see more character development here.
Continued HERE
To be fair, I was only 3 when The Lost Boys came out, but still. I was 4 when Heathers came out, and I have seen that movie a thousand times. HOLY SHIT, BOB, how could this happen? (Note how I am referencing Freeway, another movie where Keifer Sutherland is the bad guy!). I set up my Netflix thingy through our Wii, and searched, and huzzah! The Lost Boys is streaming!! So I watched. I only saw half of it so far, but I think it changed my life. I am sure these things have all been rehashed a thousand times before, but I am seeing them with untainted eyes.
2. The Hair. It gets capitalized here, cause it is that serious. Also, the hair accessories. Lots of head bands. Lots of Designer Stubble. The men have the most glorious manes I have ever seen in cinema, and they are always tossing their hair around, being sexy and frolicky. The issue I forsee is that if they have their vampire hair forever, as is often the case with the vampire genre (ie Kristen Dunst's character in Interview with the Vampire), they are going to have those insane mullets for eternity. ETERNITY. I think all the styles in this movie were so extreme and intense, they burned out super fast. Like even by the time Heathers came out, shit wasn't this insane. Granted, the clothes in that movie are pretty fantastic too, but never to the level of Lost Boys. But you'd think vampires, who supposedly live forever, would steer clear of super trendy things. It would just be more sensible.
3. The saxophone player when MICHAEL first sees Star. (Michael, Michael. Michael? Michael!!). Have you ever seen anything SO AMAZING????? I had no idea that playing the saxophone could be so cool. Why didn't this come back with the 80's resurgence?! His name is Timmy Cappello, and he is still alive. Also, here is a funny article about the sax player of your fantasies.
5. COREY HAIM has a poster of sexy, scantily clad Rob Lowe on his door. WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?! Like ok, Rob Lowe is beautiful, and I guess they wanted to make sure that we understood that Corey Haim's character is young and innocent (no sexy women!), but still. A lot of the things in this movie would be considered pretty unacceptable for a boy to have by today's media's standards.
Continued HERE
Thursday, June 02, 2011
Freaky Hairs
Let's get right down to business. Pearce has a freaky, lone hair growing out of the anterior deltoid region of his left arm. It is 3 inches long. (I just measured).
He was really cranky about letting me do that, so we are lucky to get any photographic evidence at all!! And it's not like this hair is new or anything, it's been holding strong for well over a year. It is robust and hardy, and it even leans toward the sun. It's like an antenna or something; perhaps it undergoes photosynthesis. The strange part is that it is so lonesome! Sure he has his armpit nest just around the corner, but the anterior deltoid is pretty much a bare landscape besides this single strand.
I added the red circle just in case you weren't seeing it. This isn't some wispy baby hair either. This is a serious man hair. Like I said, robust.
Why not just pull that sucker out, you may ask. Pearce has actually threatened to leave me if I even tug with too much pressure on his precious follicle. I don't want to put our relationship at risk in the name of epilation!
Even weirder, a few nights before our wedding, I had a dream that I had a really long eyebrow hair. The morning of our wedding, I decided I should probably try to do something about my brows, so I got to work with the tweezers... and I was smoothing one of my brows out and it just kept going. I literally had a 1-2 inch eyebrow hair- just like in my dream!! (1) How did I actually dream about this?! I must have been subconsciously aware of it from previous attempts at grooming or something. (2) HOW HAD I NEVER consciously noticed it before?!?!?! To be fair, it was super thin and silky and basically clear. Not even remotely like the rest of my eyebrow hairs, but still!! It should have been floating down in front of my eye, it should have been somewhat obvious!!
I pulled my freak hair out right away, since it had the double whammy creepiness of being predicted in a dream and being reminiscent of something cultivated on a grandfather. I have no photographic evidence, and I did consider saving the actual plucked hair, but come on. Who does that?
So why would two seemingly normal, healthy people be growing these inexplicable hairs? The first, and most obvious possibilities that come to mind:
Why not just pull that sucker out, you may ask. Pearce has actually threatened to leave me if I even tug with too much pressure on his precious follicle. I don't want to put our relationship at risk in the name of epilation!
Even weirder, a few nights before our wedding, I had a dream that I had a really long eyebrow hair. The morning of our wedding, I decided I should probably try to do something about my brows, so I got to work with the tweezers... and I was smoothing one of my brows out and it just kept going. I literally had a 1-2 inch eyebrow hair- just like in my dream!! (1) How did I actually dream about this?! I must have been subconsciously aware of it from previous attempts at grooming or something. (2) HOW HAD I NEVER consciously noticed it before?!?!?! To be fair, it was super thin and silky and basically clear. Not even remotely like the rest of my eyebrow hairs, but still!! It should have been floating down in front of my eye, it should have been somewhat obvious!!
 |
| My freaky eyebrow hair should have been obvious to me. |
I pulled my freak hair out right away, since it had the double whammy creepiness of being predicted in a dream and being reminiscent of something cultivated on a grandfather. I have no photographic evidence, and I did consider saving the actual plucked hair, but come on. Who does that?
So why would two seemingly normal, healthy people be growing these inexplicable hairs? The first, and most obvious possibilities that come to mind:
- Alien implants. They must be using us to collect data about the earth,
- Morgellons
Wednesday, June 01, 2011
Want to see my pawn collection?
Korean Food
Tonight the gang went out for Lumpkin's Birthday. She insisted we go to the Korean Restaurant, because for some strange reason she thinks that Korean is the best food. I honestly do not get it. No offense to Koreans, but I am just not into your cuisine! And I consider myself to have a pretty adventurous palate, but a bowl of chunks of cow liver and pears floating in blood broth doesn't do much for my taste buds. The thing is, in Baltimore, the Korean restaurants stay open all night (or so it seems). You can basically go there after all the bars have closed and get a huge number of appetizers and food and even fun foreign beers! I have heard that they are running a brothel out of some of these places, and I guess it doesn't surprise me that much. Just adds to the mystique!
The array of mini appetizers is pretty exciting, until you start to really look at what you are getting. Besides the kimchi, fruitcake potato salad and various gelatinous mysteries, there is literally a bowl of guppies slathered in sesame seeds. When I say guppies, I mean the tiny little fishies that you might see in a stream. The whole fish, head and everything. Unfortunately, I forgot to bring my actual camera, so I will have to make do with pictures taken by my phone. Not the best quality, but hopefully some descriptive language will help to really set the scene.
I so wish I had a real camera so you could actually see the little heads and eyes and faces of the guppy coleslaw, or whatever this is. These little wormy things are actually whole mini fish. The scary part is, you don't really notice that at first, so only until you are about to scoop some into your face do you see the little heads staring back at you. I didn't have the nerve to taste it, so it could be absolutely delicious. I just couldn't do it.
We also got some "milky rice wine" that came in a plastic liter bottle, and you drank out of what I usually think of as cereal bowls. I think Joanna was expecting an actual bottle of wine, and when it came we were confused. It had 2 inches of sediment at the bottom, so she shook it up, then we got nervous about an explosion. I asked the waitress if it would explode and she looked at me like I was totally retarded. It was very sweet and milky.
This magical lump is what I call fruitcake potato salad. It has the texture of creamy whipped potatoes with a lot of mayonnaise, and then it has bits of what appear to be canned vegetables. They add nice little spots of color that make the eating experience so much more exciting.
More appetizers. Mostly various vegetables and egg bits covered in red sauce that I will call Korean Ketchup. That last one is Joanna eating sprouts. She was thrilled.
There was also the ever popular fish pancake, which is mostly green onions and various seafood mashed into a pancake shape and fried to hell. It's decent, but REALLY greasy and when I say seafood, I mean chewy white hunks of things.
Melissa and Katie got some sort of Noodle Dish. It was noodley!
We got veggie BiBimBop with a fried egg on top! When I am forced to go for Korean, this is my usual. It was just OK this time, but I have had it at another place where it was actually delicious and I wasn't even completely drunk when I ate it! It also reminds me of the song we had to sing at Jewish Day camp... Bim Bam bim bim bim bam, bim bim bim bim bim baaammmmm....shabbat shalom HEY! and so on.
The birthday girl got BBQ! This place was less exciting than the other Korean place we sometimes go to, because that place actually uses a blow dryer (like the kind you use for your hair) to blow air into the burner and really get the fire going. The place we were at tonight actually had hotplates, which I guess could be seen as a more sanitary way to cook your meats, but way less fun.
Because this is Lumpkin's birthday, of course there was a Hagen Daz ice cream cake! AND EVEN marshmallows and circus peanuts with candles!!!
The writing on the cake was done in this really concentrated blue gel frosting. It got everywhere.
Delicious! Then we all felt really sick. Imagine the mess of Korean food with a layer of ice cream floating on top all mixing around in your stomach.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY LUMPS! Please pick a different theme next year!!!!!
The array of mini appetizers is pretty exciting, until you start to really look at what you are getting. Besides the kimchi, fruitcake potato salad and various gelatinous mysteries, there is literally a bowl of guppies slathered in sesame seeds. When I say guppies, I mean the tiny little fishies that you might see in a stream. The whole fish, head and everything. Unfortunately, I forgot to bring my actual camera, so I will have to make do with pictures taken by my phone. Not the best quality, but hopefully some descriptive language will help to really set the scene.
I so wish I had a real camera so you could actually see the little heads and eyes and faces of the guppy coleslaw, or whatever this is. These little wormy things are actually whole mini fish. The scary part is, you don't really notice that at first, so only until you are about to scoop some into your face do you see the little heads staring back at you. I didn't have the nerve to taste it, so it could be absolutely delicious. I just couldn't do it.
The writing on the cake was done in this really concentrated blue gel frosting. It got everywhere.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY LUMPS! Please pick a different theme next year!!!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)