LOST BOYS: The Final Moments

(Continued from here....)
Tonight I watched the rest of the Lost Boys.  Had to!  I couldn't wait any longer to find out what the shocking conclusion would be: WHO IS THE HEAD VAMPIRE?!  Will Corey Feldman and his Frog Brother help Corey Haim save MichaelMichaelMichael??!?!  What about Star and Laddie?

I will run through my thoughts as I watched:

O NO !! Bill S. Preston Esquire is dead!!  Bogus. Heinous. Most non-triumphant. Ah, Bill, don't be dead, dude. Can we maybe travel back in time in our phone booth to go stop them from killing him?  Rufussss!? O god, Rufus is dead too.  Or is this Vampire Bill considered EvilBill at this point, making it ok to brutally stake him through the heart?  I assume that stuff is happening sometime in the future and we have to tell our past us's to make sure we don't sleep in that cave that night, or something convoluted like that.  Time travel confuses me.  Anyway, the vampires must seek revenge!!!

1. The vampires somehow have feet-claws they use to hang upside down while they sleep in their luxury/shabby chic cave with the big, perfectly preserved poster of Jim Morrison. The claws are fascinating, but they seem like a waste of "special effects" and makeup since they make no sense.  Case in point: Where did Keifer put his sexy biker boots and leg warmers?!
2. Corey Haim smashing garlic to fight bloodsuckers.  Too cute.  Such a tragedy!!!
3. Is Star some kind of gypsy fortune teller woman?  And who is this Laddie kid?  OO! He turns into the girl from the Exorcist!  I was expecting his head to spin around, but instead he just sort of growled and got a massive forehead while wearing a Michael Jackson military jacket.  Sort of looked like the youngest Hanson brother in his prime.

Star's Absentee Father

4. They are using a lot of the Army of Darkness/Evil Dead effect where the camera chases people around while they look terrified.  Are they going to get raped by the wind and trees?!  And also the blood spraying out of the faucets!!  TOO SWEET!  I guess holy water, stakes and stag horns are really your only defense against the undead.  What about Jew horns?  Since horns ultimately killed Vampire David/Keifer Sutherland, we can assume that Jew horns would be an effective method of vampire slaying.  Jews: We're just like everyone else, except we have built in vampire protection systems.  And we control the media.  Just sayin!

Could there BE a more perfect picture to illustrate my point!??!

 5. Vampire David's death scene is sooooo dramatic.  When MichaelMichaelMIIICHAELLL was vamping out, and they were flying around in the air with those crazy contacts, I was basically crying with laughter.  Then when Vampire David was dying, they were gazing into each others eyes for just a few beats too long.  In addition to the contacts, they had those fangs in that give all the dudes these sensual, puffy lips.  So they are gazing at each other, sort of duck-facing it, looking like they are gonna kiss.  In our dreams, in our dreams.  It totally blew my mind when the actual Head Vampire went to look at David's dead body, and his 80s fashion stubble beard was GONE!  He was as smooth faced and innocent as a new born Keifer Sutherland.  Does that mean that the stubble beard is equated with loss of innocence?  Fascinating use of imagery.

Keeping in theme with the BEAR love my blog is getting, here is Jason Statham, sans shirt, sans innocence.  DELICIOUS.

 6.  I always associate the actor who played the Head Vampire with the bad husband in Overboard, one of Pearce and my all time favorites.  A while ago they were playing that movie constantly on TBS or something, and we would watch it EVERY TIME.  There is soooo much I could say about it, but I won't.  Like this exercise in reviewing the Lost Boys, it has been done before, and done WAY better.  But at least let's watch this:

7. Grandpa saved the day!! OBVS!!  And then he reveals that he knew about the vamps all along!  That crazy old taxidermist coot!

My suggestion would be to definitely watch this movie over and over again.  It has aged like a fine wine, and is DEFINITELY better today than it probably was even when it came out.   Especially in light of other crappy vampire movies that are not currently hilarious, but might be in 20+ years.

O who am I kidding?!  I LOVE Twilight.