Recently, I saw a really crappy sexy-vampire movie. I'm not a vampire freak or anything like that, but I kept seeing stuff about this one movie on various websites, and so I figured I would give it a watch. It's a German film, and the English title is "We Are The Night." Have you heard of it?
OMG. It was so soooo stupid. The version I saw had subtitles that were in mangled English, but still, I could mostly figure out what they meant. This could be why it seemed extra unbearable, or it could be that the dialogue was that vapid. Anyway, I was really curious about it because it was just so painfully dumb, and yet it still was being discussed a lot on the interwebs (but really just on io9,and bounced around between the different Gawker sites). So after subjecting myself to a viewing, I needed to do more research. Did anyone really like this movie? The jury is still out I suppose. Then, fate intervened and turned blood-sucking into blood-winning. My internet searching lead me to The Lost Boys, an 80's gem I SOMEHOW HAVE NEVER SEEN!!
To be fair, I was only 3 when The Lost Boys came out, but still. I was 4 when Heathers came out, and I have seen that movie a thousand times. HOLY SHIT, BOB, how could this happen? (Note how I am referencing Freeway, another movie where Keifer Sutherland is the bad guy!). I set up my Netflix thingy through our Wii, and searched, and huzzah! The Lost Boys is streaming!! So I watched. I only saw half of it so far, but I think it changed my life. I am sure these things have all been rehashed a thousand times before, but I am seeing them with untainted eyes.
1. Jesus Christ the clothing. I mean... the vampires in this movie dress like the prettiest pansies in the universe, and yet they are supposed to be a biker gang?! And Corey Haim with those giant patterned mumus he is wearing as shirts? AND the man earrings, the sunglasses, the HAIR. I was literally gasping! Every time a new character was introduced, I squealed with glee! Susan Becker is a GENIUS and she deserves many awards. If anyone ever makes a movie of my life, I would like her to do the costume design.
2. The Hair. It gets capitalized here, cause it is that serious. Also, the hair accessories. Lots of head bands. Lots of Designer Stubble. The men have the most glorious manes I have ever seen in cinema, and they are always tossing their hair around, being sexy and frolicky. The issue I forsee is that if they have their vampire hair forever, as is often the case with the vampire genre (ie Kristen Dunst's character in Interview with the Vampire), they are going to have those insane mullets for eternity. ETERNITY. I think all the styles in this movie were so extreme and intense, they burned out super fast. Like even by the time Heathers came out, shit wasn't this insane. Granted, the clothes in that movie are pretty fantastic too, but never to the level of Lost Boys. But you'd think vampires, who supposedly live forever, would steer clear of super trendy things. It would just be more sensible.
3. The saxophone player when MICHAEL first sees Star. (Michael, Michael. Michael? Michael!!). Have you ever seen anything SO AMAZING????? I had no idea that playing the saxophone could be so cool. Why didn't this come back with the 80's resurgence?! His name is Timmy Cappello, and he is still alive. Also, here is a funny article about the sax player of your fantasies.
4. How many times they say "Michael." I am sure there were drinking games based on this. I am also sure there is a supercut somewhere with all the Michaels, but I can't immediately find it, so it will have to wait.
5. COREY HAIM has a poster of sexy, scantily clad Rob Lowe on his door. WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?! Like ok, Rob Lowe is beautiful, and I guess they wanted to make sure that we understood that Corey Haim's character is young and innocent (no sexy women!), but still. A lot of the things in this movie would be considered pretty unacceptable for a boy to have by today's media's standards.
6. Also, Bill S. Preston, Esquire is in this movie. Can we talk about the beauty-school vampire gang for a second though? They never really say much, they just make a bunch of awkward guffaws and leers. I would really like to see more character development here. Note: I have only watched half of the movie so far, and I plan on finishing soon. I am sure there is SO much more to say. But please, watch that clip of the sax player over and over again with me for a little while. Thanks.
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