BUM FIGHTS!

Well not real fights, just the bum part. Today I did... like nothing. Nothing fun at least. Revise that: Mostly nothing fun. I freaking cleaned all day. Yesterday was the last day of classes and instead of going totally crazy as I would have as an undergrad living on campus, I stayed home to hang out with Pearce, my working boyfriend. He is having his first SUPER busy week at work, so I am doing my best to help him at home (aka massages, snuggles, dinner, ..., etc.). So today I CLEANED our apartment, which was really becoming a disgusting hole. We have no dishwasher (except for me .... GRR) and we had not been "keeping up" so I had to do like 4 loads of dishes. And I washed our sheets... and I vacuumed floors and bleached things in the kitchen. My hair gathers in corners with the dustbunnies. It's fairly disgusting actually, but I got a lot of the filth taken care of, so hopefully that will last us another few months of noncleaning. Then I did a little studying, and when I say little, I mean very little.

When Pearce got home we did my Yoga DVD together!! HAHA How funny is that? but really it's pretty cool that he's cool with doing that. I mean he is a pretty manly guy and the fact that he is doing yoga... awesome. It's the best thing though, especially after a lot of sitting and stressing. That was pretty nice - we bonded over our inflexibility and he only poked me in the butt once even though we were bending over with our asses up in the air for half the time.

So here's the fun part (and sad part sorta):
Pearce had been saying he got me the best holiday gift ever ever and he ordered it online and had been all secretive about it, because to him the surprise of presents is KEY. Then on Tuesday I got home to see this big box with a picture of a sewing machine and the words "SINGER sewing Machine" on our door step. So I was like Oooo no. Because it was not official holiday gift giving time yet and so his big surprise was ruined. Not that I was disappointed in the gift (WHICH IS TOTALLY AWESOME AND I WILL TALK ABOUT THAT IN A MOMENT), but I was sad because he was so excited to give it to me and see my face when I first saw it, and he wasnt even there when I got home and saw the box. So you can imagine, it was semi-ruined. BUT anyway,
tonight we tried to figure out how it works. I mean I know how sewing machines work in general, but this one was pretty fancy, and not the same as the one I am familiar with, so Pearce helped me make it work. (PROJECT RUNWAY REFERENCE). SO NOW I can sew whenever I feel like it!!! I don't have to go home to mommy anymore! I am my own woman! O man but seriously, it is so fun, and it means I can make myself a number of ugly and simplistic dresses, shirts and skirts!!! And when halloween comes around again next year, I will be all set to make something rather than just going to GoodWill or SalvAr! AND even better, I can make stockings for Christmas instead of having to buy a hideous one from Target or something! Hooray!


After unlocking the mysteries of my new sewing machine, we decided that I needed to sew SOMETHING so we pulled out one of Pearce's giant free t-shirts that is even too big for him to wear seriously and I recycled it into a chic (aka amateur) t-shirt for me. HAHA YES! But there is no extra fabric really, so I am just looking at the sewing machine with longing.

The second good part of my day was that I won these amazing slouchy Zodiac boots on ebay for only $13.99!!!!!
I have a similar pair in bone white and they are like the hottest things ever, so I figured having them in black would be ideal. O MAN so nice. At first I was thinking I wanted flats, but it's amazing what a few extra inches can do for your figure! HAHA YAY I am such a shoe addict o my god.

My bum day was highlighted by the fact that I did not bathe. I mean I guess that's ok, especially since I am letting my hair grow out and I don't want to ruin it with lots of washing. And when I say "letting my hair grow out" I am being literal, because it seems to get bigger as it gets longer. I think I am going to donate it or something. They could make like 2 wigs! Anyway, I am sitting here now still wearing yoga clothes and being sorta greasy. Tomorrow I am going to do things! I will get up earlyish, shower, and then go to Joann Fabrics to get some fabrics for some stockings and other fun. Then to the gym! Hmm.. now I am having second thoughts about this because I am going out with Naomi tomorrow night and that means I would need to shower again after the gym... hmm. This is bad! DAMN my dirtiness. Ok that probably means that I will shower now right before bed. That could be nice. Middle of the night shower... Then I could do something wacky with my hair like braid it or something! Because I am not going to dry it with the blowdryer, no matter how freezing I am. Wow I am so glad I decided to be boring and write about my schedule because see how I uncover all these logistical problems?

I always feel the need to apologize for doing this. [by "doing this" I mean blogging] So here it is:
Sorry.

The Holiday Season Backlog

WOW lots of sh!t has dropped since my last posting. Hmm most memorably, Naomi and I were robbed at gunpoint in DC a few weeks back. We had been at a dance party at the Wonderland Ballroom in Columbia Heights (such fun!) and then we decided it was time to make our way to Adam's Morgan. So we gathered our things and were on our way to the metro... through the deserted ghetto...
There was all sorts of forshadowing for the evening:

• We were at Naomi's place in DC before heading over to the bar, and I was looking through her jewelry. I found the cutest little gun earring which I really wanted to wear, but my third earring hole had apparently healed shut from lack of use, so I did not wear it. GUNS
• Moments before the robbering, I looked back and saw a man following us, but I assumed he was just on his way to the metro as well. I even scolded myself for being so irritatingly nervous. Figures.
• After noticing the shadester following us, we saw a GIANT rat scampering across the road - THIS WAS AN OBVIOUS SIGN AND WE SHOULD HAVE STARTED RUNNING.
  

Alas, instead of noticing all the very obvious warnings, we drunkenly walked and talked loudly. Then he came out with his gun in Nae's face and said "Drop the purse bitch!" Uch please. WHY DO THEY NEED THE WHOLE PURSE?! I mean, I was borrowing Naomi's bag, and she was using her Grandmother's purse, a family heirloom kinda deal, and this guy didn't want purses, he wanted money, and evidently, he wanted cell phones to download games and music. He was probably just as scared as we were and he was trying so hard to be intimidating, but I mean, he had a gun and it was in our faces, so we just did what he said. He took our bags, then he ran away.
Things that were stolen from me:

• My license (now we couldn't even get into bars! and we would have to go to the fucking MVA and wait for like a million years with the mullets)
• My student ID (hope they don't try to get into the computer lab at school! or worse, what if they try to use my gym membership!?)
• ATM/credit card thingy (jsut got paid; yikes.)
• My Smart Trip Card (it was like a dollar in debt so fuck those guys)
• Cellular phone (IT WAS BROKEN TOO!! you could only hear what people were saying if you had the speaker on. But it did have a number of sentimental pictures and embarrasing text messages. PLUS I HAD NO INSURANCE so I had to buy a new phone out of plan - SO EXPENSIVE. What a racket. O well.)
• $30 (Damn it!!!!)
• One of my favorite lip glosses. (HOPE YOU ENJOY IT MOTHER FUCKERS)

We ran back to the bar, got the police, filed the report. I started flipping out as it started to sink in, I felt SO violated. This weird drunk guy got a little too intent on comforting me and I was like GET THE HELL OFF OF ME!! Then since Naomi had the keys to her place IN the stolen purse, we were sorta stranded, especially since her roommate was unreachable (she was with her current boyfriend at his place). And we were very very far from Naomi's apt anyway. Luckily, she knew a girl who lived near/in Columbia Heights, so we had the police take us there at like 1:45 in the morning and we banged on her door until she opened up, super confused, and let us in. (this was a thursday night btw). Once we explained the situation, we got to work canceling credit cards and phones.

Before the phones got canceled, we attempted to call our phones. Mine was busy, but some lady answered Naomi's phone!! Naomi immediately screamed "WHO GAVE YOU THIS PHONE? WHERE ARE YOU?" and the response was "whaaaaaaaaat?" Over and over again. The woman on the other end was so cracked out that she could barely manage any words at all. Wonderful, bittersweet, infuriating, hilarious. O well.

Ok so at this point I am no longer scared, more angry, but I was really freaked out. Like for that first week after it happened, if anyone was following me (AKA walking behind me, my shadow, etc.) I would freak out. The worst part is that it made me feel all messed up about black men, particularly those walking behind me. Let me explain. Right before it happened and I saw this man behind us (he was black) the first thing I thought was SHIT. And this is awful, I hate it that I can't even control my brain responding to this stereotype, even though I absolutely know it is not true. I have friends of all races and creeds, and I'm definitely not racist, but you see a shady black guy walking behind two idiot drunk girls in a bad neighborhood... it's sad, but that was the first thing I thought even before he robbed us. As I mentioned, I scolded myself for thinking that. He was most likely just a regular guy trying to get home. Then he pulled the gun, so then my stupid stereotype got "proved" in the unreachable regions of my brain.

For that week after this happened, I was sort of a mess. I was walking to class and this guy behind me says "hey Danielle" and I turn around and it is this vaguely familiar black guy and I FLIP OUT for a second, and he sees it on my face. In my head I am thinking, this is him, he found me, and he knows my name from my IDs!! But then I realize that he is this guy Kevin who I know from the engineering lounge, and I feel like an ASS and a racist. I mean honestly, I had only met him once really, but I guess since I would be one of the 3 girls in the engineering lounge, it might be easier to remember me and my name. Anyway, later I told him about this, and he laughed and was very understanding.

As a side note, when I got my phone bill I found that the idiots were up like ALL night downloading stuff, spending a total of $60+. What dorks, seriously. Stupid Verizon didn't shut off my phone when I called around 1:50 am like they said they would. And I have gotten 2 calls from blocked numbers since then. One the day after the robbing (I am certain this was from one of their idiot friends) and another 2 days ago. Lame.

Luckily, I am pretty certain that I am over the being scared part, and am more angry. (I'm stull a little scared of the idea of DC at night). The DC police are actually looking into this, and Naomi and I have to go down to the station on Sunday to look at some pictures. What an adventure!!!

YEAH! SO THAT HAPPENED. Crazy. I guess I learned my lesson without much damage.

Now I've been mostly concerned with finishing up school stuff since the semester is ending, and holiday shopping, etc. Christmas is so fun, what a great idea! This will be my first official Christmas with my own tree in-house. If we ever get a tree... AHH!

I am going to go run some errands now!! Maybe I will at some point write again, who can be sure?!

An exciting endeavor...

Welcome friends, here I am back again! I have a lot of homework to do, and it is making me stressed, so clearly the solution is to... do something else. Elliot is working on something spectacular, but it might just turn out to be really offensive pornography. We will have to wait and see. He is making a coloring book out of his photos (because he is a top notch photographer) and so the pictures will look something like this:

One book is just going to be figures no enviornments, then drunk photos, then myspace group photos. Could there be anything more excellent than this? THINK ABOUT THAT AND GET BACK TO ME. I am just so excited to get a fresh box of crayons and go crazy

Pretty awesome, no?

So tonight, after I finish this, I am going to get to work on linear algebra, then diffusion flames, AND ELLIOT is going to work on making more more more.


Right now we are pondering over whether or not he should leave the words on the tshirts, like "mom rocks," etc, because it's so small... can you color it?

Elliot claims that he is putting this all together and says he will send some copies to me so I can distribute them to the people. He is actually "soliciting for global distributors" to put it in his words. This is serious shit man. GLOBAL. That means... the whole world.



So anyone actually reading this who wants to support the mass distribution of awesome Elliot photography a la coloring book, please umm comment or something. And maybe we can arrange that you get sent a bunch of the awesome coloring books.

OOo and here is something really cool: I made a sweet background for my computer screen. You can "tile" it and it's really pretty, and I worked so hard at it. All the little boxes, etc. You probably need to open it in paint or something and then under File you can choose to make it your background (tiled). So maybe someone else can use it too! Beware, it's really blinding, but all the boxes match up and it makes these sweet vertical line things... and you can mess about with the colors if these color themes are not to your liking... whatever.

OK! OFF TO DO SOME homework. boo.

xo,
danielle

Today was... sad. But you know, we get over these things. It started when I woke up and I hurt, but I was expecting that I guess because Becca and I had done a really crazy work out the day before, we did it all. But also, I never drink water and I was completely dehydrated and that makes me hurt too! So I got up, and Pearce made me pancakes which was AWESOME so that sorta negated the bad, and I took our offbrand tylenol. But then came the news....

STEVE IRWIN IS DEAD!

Ok, so let's be real, this was sorta inevitable, and I hardly watched any of those shows because I was always nervous he would get eaten or something. It just seems so crazy to me... animals do not reason... they aren't really all that predictable I guess. Not that I have so much experience with wild animals, but I'm just saying, animals cannot be expected to act like people. We have the ability to think, to rationalize, to have "morals"... or at least some of us... and so this is terrible and sad, but you know, he was basically asking for it every day of his too short life!!!!

Sorry if that seems really cold hearted and cruel. I am upset about it because he was an singular personality, and he was a husband and a father, but there are people who die from starvation, war, etc..., things out of their control.... so it just makes me sort of unsure about how I feel. It's all so far away, it seems like a movie character that wasn't real anyway got killed, and and and...

I really want to laugh at this situation, but that is so mean, and apparently I am really mean and critical, and I WANT TO WORK ON IT. It is a personal goal of mine to be less awful. And this would be a good time to start but...

Right, so here goes something that could be touching or mocking. But it is definitely mocking, but someone else made it, not me, Erik just sent it to me earlier... And I mean...



That is terrible. TERRIBLE. Sorry. It just made me think about a lot of things, like humor and what is funny and when it is ok to laugh about things. And mock things... Is it ok to mock death? Even if it is such a rediculous death? Because if we all took that so seriously, would we implode? Everyone is going to die, and I guess Steve Irwin at least enjoyed toying with having some control over it. How many times can a person not die before he has to die?

Wow enough of that, it stopped making sense. Really I just wanted to make fun of it, then I had an attack of conscience, and so I had to write a lot of stuff to make myself seem less cruel and callous.

Anyway, later we were supposed to have a picnic, and so we went to the park, but it was FULL, duh, and all the grills and pavilions were taken, and it was raining. So we were like Ef this! and we got fried chicken and beer and ate in our kitchen. We were waiting for the rain to stop so we could play croquet, but it never stopped, and so we drank and got tired and watched tennis and dirty jobs, and talked some, but it was pretty sad. SAD SAD SAD. And then for the rest of the night I very slowly graded a few exams, but mostly didn't, and Pearce and I played around. It was actually pretty great having him for the whole day, so I mean, I shouldn't be so complainy/whiny, but I just am so deal with it.

Mike Rowe is sexy:


I think a pattern of me being into slightly nerdy, hairy, older men is emerging. First Scott Bakula, now this. Hot!


O, hi! When did you get here? Leaving so soon? I would too because this is a CrAPPY POST BECAUSE LIKE I SAID TODAY IS SAD.

Sausage = Happiness, and more

So Elliot has the COOLEST job. He takes pictures for a newspaper and he got to go see these lovely ladies and their sausages. Ladies love the sausages.



I wish my Grandma was a sausagefiend like this woman. On second thought, no, I take back that wish and regret saying it. Let us forget that ever happened. I do like how her rubber gloves match her apron. The lady before is wearing 1 blue glove, 1 clear - Michael Jackson style. I don't exactly understand what they are doing, but then again, I've never really had close contact with sausage before. (I'm talking about the breakfast meat you sicko). So yeah, Elliot got to be in that room with those happy women, and their big knives and big phallic meat sticks. LUCKY !

Then there is this guy: who apparently makes a scrunch face instead of smiling. He looks like he writes the fortunes in fortune cookies.

So technically, I'm grading finals right now. I've barely gotten through a single grade sheet in the past 2 hours! That is some kind of AWESOME! Urgh, only 5 more after this... BUT THEN I HAVE TO GRADE THE EXTRA CREDIT. Uch these whores and their extra credit. Maybe some people just aren't meant to be engineers... HINT HINT idiot who fails everything.

Right sorry, I was dorking out there for a minute. Much after this other stuff was written, I sit down to write again:
Today was full of excitement - I got a new laptop which I am now using, I saw my grandma and my fam, I went searching for rain boots with my sis, and then I had a mini middle school reunion at some bar in Towson. Towson is like a magical place where people who you never expect to see together again suddenly appear in a dreamy drunken MESS. Uch I am a mess, definitely. I am at home without my Pearce, and I miss him terribly. After the bar/middleschool disaster we went to The diner and Becca and I shared spanakopita and that was amazing.
Now I am having all kinds of issues because I thought I understood what I was doing, how people were perceiving me, and then it got all mixed up. You know when suddenly you find out that people, as in most people who know you, think a certain thing about you, and you didn't even know that about yourself? And it's really shocking, and confusing? And you want to fix it, but you don't even know where to begin, because you never even realized it was happening in the first place? That is SO vague, I apologize!!! UCH NO WAIT WAIT WAIT THAT JUST GOT REALLY Livejournal-esque eww blech vommmmm.

Moving on. We thought of a really good idea. Well rather, Elliot at one point had demanded the pizza doctor come to treat him, but less eloquently than that. And now, I demand a pizza ambulance. Doesn't that just seem like a really good marketing tool for one of those pizza delivery places, like umm domino? or papa john's?! I SHOULD SELL THAT TO THEM! Then I can retire, and use my earnings (and a lifetime of free pizzas delivered via pizza ambulance) to live a fulfilling life which consists of shopping and the gym. Sigh, could life be any more excellent?
Let me introduce you to the pizza ambulance schematic:
See how it says pizza backwards? Just like a real ambulance? So you can only see it in the mirror? eh? eh? AWESOME!!!

QUICK HELP I NEED A PIZZA AMBULANCE

Reporting from boredomland

durrrr...
That was the sound of boredom.
O RIGHT! Let me catch it up on the last few weeks. I moved and did not have internet access for a while, and I suffered. Because suddenly I was not living with 3 ladies, only a floor or building away from many friends. Pearce and I live in a basement in Historic Capitol View, which is PRECIOUS and lovely and nice, but rather lonesome during the day when he works and I do nothing. Sigh. But yeah, it's been pretty awesome playing house and being "the little woman."
So yeah, that has been going on. I have been doing things though, don't worry. We live right near the Rock Creek Park which is lovely, and also right near the mormon disneyland!!

























I will definitely go on a tour at some point - how could I possibly resist that? But then again, I am such a pushover, I would probably end up getting converted, then be really disappointed in myself later. Meh. Maybe not... religion is SUCH a time eater... all that praying and stuff...

Yesterday I went to King's Dominion with Lauren and her boyfriend and his roommate and had SO MUCH FUN! But I think all those old rollercoasters left me with mild brain damage. I felt hungover this morning, like I had spent a night drinking heavily. It was weird, but I guess that makes sense, almost. It was totally worth it. See, those old bumpy, wooden, rickety-ass rollercoasters have no head support AT ALL and we all got beaten, badly. It's surprising more people don't end up with their spinal cord breaking away from their brain. After rollercoastering, we attempted the waterpark... which was closing. But we still managed to go down some sketchy slides, into sketchier pools... The water was brownish. Not very encouraging. My favorite thing about amusement parks is that it really is a slice of America - the massive number of obese people, the diversity, the trash. The best thing about it is that they always somehow manage to import europeans, etc. to work at these parks. First of all, the parks are in the middle of no where. Second of all, is it really fair to expose these people to this "slice of America" in such full force? HA, sucks for them.

Also, we had a surprise goodbye party for ChrisBoyd, and we ended up going swimming at his neighbor's amazing pool in clothing because it was a sort of spur-of-the-moment decision. They had a waterfall with a grotto underneath, diving board, hot tub, basketball net, AND A SLIDE! I am SUCH a fan of waterslides. That was a good way to say bye, but I am still pretty sad. It's cool though, because I will have more reasons to go visit NY and even stay in Greenwich Village. Sweeet. Also, I had this daytrip to Philadelphia to do some work there, and that was pretty excellent. Except that I was totally exhausted from actually working, so I fell asleep at 8pm on a Friday. Great.

Due to the brain damage, I can't remember too much of anything between now and the last post. I didn't see Snakes on a Plane. I did see Little Miss Sunshine which WAS A REALLY GOOD MOVIE! Probably the best movie I've seen all year. No lie!
So all in all, I live somewhere else now, and I want to have people over to see it, and so far it's been working out. And then Grad school starts on the 30th, which is surprisingly sooner than I thought. Blech.

Until next time,
"peace"
all you asian girls.

Likes and Dislikes

Suddenly I got really excited thinking about things I do like (obsessively) and things that make me insanely unhappy. So I thought it would be illuminating for both me and you, dear reader, to list them out. Maybe it will help me figure out my own personal mystery.

Likes.
I will begin with "food product likes" because I just got back from CVS and I got my 3 favorite foodish things, though they aren't really food at all:

• Flavored carbonated waters. They have no calories, no sodium, nothing but artificial deliciousness. They are like 50 cents a pop, for an entire liter! and they only come in liters! and if I start to drink one, I will drink it all, because I FREAKING LOVE IT. Then I will pee constantly.
  
• Wild cherry diet pepsi. While I am crazying over drinks, this is my #2. You get the caffiene and the delicious. And it has to be diet because I am certain I will someday get diabetes/be very fat.
• Gum. Has to be minty/bubbleminty. Like trident or orbits. OOoo now stride is rising in the ranks. AND I like to chew and smack really loudly, and blow bubbles and pop them. It drives Pearce CRAZY. But I can't stop, I love it sooo much.
• Avocados + salt + sesame ak mak= love
  

Ok, Activity and Miscellaneous Likes:

• Reading excellent fiction literature and science related things. It's sort of escapist I guess, but is there anything better than reading a good book? (besides good sex).
  
• Running/excercise. I'm not kidding, this is like my favorite thing. Some people hate working out but I am so addicted to it and I love it so much.
  
• Bargain Shopping (nordstrom rack, marshalls, H&M, secret places I can't mention, etc.) I used to work at Ross Dress for Less for crying out LOUD! I will find you the BEST bargains, come shop with me. The jew strikes again! I will also drive most shopping buddies insane. No one can handle my tolerance for the search. That is my favorite part. You look and look and then you find the goods, and you are victorious! Seriously, I've got me like 20 pairs of designer jeans, I've never paid more than 50$, but most are more maxing out at $40. And these are pants that should cost upwards of $150. I've got talent, it's scary, and expensive, even if it is cheap. Because you find a bargain, you have to get it. You can't say no. NEVER.
• Jeans. As I mentioned above, I have a ludicrous number of jeans. It's a ridiculous hobby that is totally silly and wastes lots of money. But I always get them for good prices! Honest!
  
• Shoes. Uch... my closet... so many shoes. SO MANY SHOES. let's not even go here actually.
  

• Art. espence
  
• Music! Mostly happy pop stuff and Radiohead. Yeah, happy pop and paranoia.
  
• Spider Solitaire, Most difficult setting.
• People who are strange. I like to have very strange people as friends because more interesting things happen that way. I am also fascinated by super obnoxious people that are hyper-self-aware but only in a really superficial way (as in they think they are the center of the universe), but don't seem to realize that they are total ass holes and no one really cares. I'm feeling too lazy to try to explain that any better. Plus, I bet I come off like that since I fell into the self-indulgent world of the blog!! AND EVEN WORSE, I'm listing out this stuff as if anyone else would care! HAHA Joke's on you!
• Project Runway!
• TI-89
  
• Scott Bakula

Dislikes.

• Sounds of loud squeaky things. e.g. styrofoam squeaking against it self, nails on chalkboard, scraping glass. Just thinking about it makes me want to puke. If I hear these sounds, the only way to calm my nerves is to drop a blanket or something... make soft sounds... chant the word PASTE over and over and over.
  
• Unfriendliness. I mean... what's the point?
• Lists of likes and dislikes
  
• IBS (especially in the middle of a run)
  
• PMS
• MTV
  
• Having the TV on when I am trying to sleep somewhere.
  
• Newsprint. Sometimes you get that ink on your hands and then you touch your eyes and then it's all over. You are blind for 3-8 days. Or it just hurts a lot.
• Allergies! Yeah, on the eyes thing, seasonal allergies suck. And I HATE THEM. The most pretty time of the year and my nose is dripping snot nonstop for a month and my eyes are exploding out of my head and my face is itching like fire ants. FUCK YOU ALLERGIES!!!
• Weird food allergies. Sometimes apples make me sick and nauseous. It's a real thing too! See, the pollen from other nearby plants get INTO the apple while it grows, so it is loaded with the pollen that my body can't handle, and then I feel like crap. Almonds make me itch and swell, the same with cherries. And these are foods I love so I eat them anyway!! And then my tongue and lips and gums will swell and itch. Cherries especially are so devious because I will eat them nonstop and then my lips get soo huge and itchy. Pretty hot.
• Certain movies... I don't know what you call this genre, but the movies like Meet the Parents where the lead character just does stupid things which lead to massive trouble over and over again. I can't watch it, it makes my skin crawl with disgust. What is that genre called? I must know so I can avoid it like the plague.
  
• Transparent and narrowminded people.
  
• Current President George Bush
• Blue tooth headsets
• Clogged shower drains.
  

O... hi!

In true awesome style, I am making post numero dos! And YOU are SOOO HAPPY!! So... I am in my apartment... the last few weeks before the lease is up. It's been 2 years! And the filth and crap I've accumulated are certainly going to be a pain to clean up and move. I wouldn't say I'm a hoarder, I'm just extremely lazy, and there is definitely a difference.

I have been re-perusing my copy of The Area of My Expertise by John Hodgman (a book I highly recommend to anyone with a sense of humor), and was considering to make this a website purely of lies! But of course, that would have to start at the third post, because I've already been too forthcoming with the truth here. At the same time, I could just sprinkle some lies in every so often, but then I was thinking that I don't have a very good grasp on lies versus truth... especially about things happening presently because events of the past can be so open to opinion and personal interpretation. It's not that I have no morals, it's that I have this deadly combination of a guilty conscience, extreme self doubt, and a background in mathematics and engineering. Allow me to explain:

1. Guilty Conscience: Though I ALWAYS try to do the right thing, I always feel like I am letting someone down, I always feel like things are my fault when in reality they are absolutely not. It's the jewish guilt, obviously. Because of this there is always a part of me that suspects that I am lying, even when I am not lying, and I know I am trying my hardest to be competely truthful.
   
2. Self Doubt: I constantly think I'm wrong and so that makes me think that when I say things that could potentially be matters of opinion, I am not being honest because my response is not correct. I think I have a problem recognizing the difference between lies and statements that are not 100% factual. It's really complicated and boring too.
3. Math & Engineering: In math there is only 1 correct answer, and every other answer is incorrect, unless it's like a plus/minus or an imaginary number thing, &tc., but you get my point. In engineering sometimes you fudge stuff because you quickly realize that you can't get math formulas to completely predict what happens in real life. And so sometimes engineering drives me nuts because it seems so ridiculous to have an exact numerical answer or whatever when there are these staggering margins of error...
   

OK! That was TOTALLY boring. Totally. So sorry!
Right!
As I was saying, John Hodgman is totally awesome. He has been a correspondent for the Daily Show, and now he does these commercials for Apple I think. Plus he wrote this astonishingly hilarious book which I highly recommend to you, as I mentioned earlier before my boring tangent. I wrote him an email because I wanted to play his recording of the 700 Hobo Names on the radio, and I thought that I might be breaking some sort of copyright infringement, but I played it anyway before he responded. But then he did write back, and it was super cool because it was almost like meeting a celebrity. Or not exactly at all, but I was pretty pleased about it. He might have been too because getting emails from me is almost the same as getting emails from celebrities. So I played those hobo names, not all 700 of course, but it was still pretty funny. And the other day, someone must have found the cd because it was sitting on the shelf in the studio.

Now I am going because I really want some iced coffee. Once not long ago I got the largest size of iced coffee offerred, and then I peed like 7 times in 2 hours. That might even be an understatement. I probably have the smallest bladder ever. Sometimes I won't drink for days because I get so sick of peeing. Pretty gross! That's me.

ciao

How silly!

This is me, with my satan hand, courtesy of Elliot.

It was way too easy to do this, and that is usually a bad sign because that means any idiot could worm her way in. Like me for instance. But yeah, usually hate it when you talk about the blog, the means of communication where you should just be communicating something.

I honestly have nothing to communicate though. At the moment at least. But maybe something exciting will happen and I will suddenly need to share it with everyone, potentially. Everyone being literally the potential EVERYONE. Or anyone, or no one. It all falls under that heading even if the direct meanings are opposites.

I will probably want to write about books, movies, music, fashion. Stressful things, rants, happiness, comedy, tragedy. Hair removal, bodily functions, cooking, adventures. I probably won't write very much. Or maybe I will depending on the boredom factor. I am used to the whole talking to no one thing because of my crappy radioshow which gets minimal listenership over the summer because it's (a) at the University and there aren't many students around and (b) broadcasting at only 10 Watts. DO you even know how weak that signal is!? That means you can hear the FM broadcast for about a 1 mile radius. Pathetic! And I can see how many people listen online, and that number is generally in the single digits these past weeks. So yeah, I am used to it!

What happens is this: I finally have stuff I need to be doing, and so instead of doing that I start a side project o' procrastination which I can use to avoid the other work. Brilliant! That way I will never be useful and it will take me many days to complete a task that should take only hours. Sigh.

But trust me, I have really awesome taste AND I am known to be hilarious and likeable. I bet I get celebrity status in like 4 weeks tops. A dream come true! (both for me and any potential readers and friends!) As you can see from this very flattering picture, I have exciting hair that has the potential to be HUGE, though I think I've got it under control. Actually, I can't take full credit for this, because Elaine used a comb to tease it up like that so we could do my hair for my Prince costume. It didn't just happen, but you know, I have to perpetuate the myth.

So I'm gonna go to bed now, but DEFINITELY bookmark this baby and come back to check because... well... umm.... my life is very... interesting? and you will enjoy reading the silly things I write and looking at my silly pictures and checking out the links I will collect and put here. It will be such a fun time! <3