Random Crush & Old Movie Review

So I know I claimed I would not be blogging, but something important came up.  Namely, the fact that I had an epiphany, and I think I gave myself a small allowance for blogging about things of that nature.

I came to the realization that I really like the movie Coming To America, starring Eddie Murphy and Arsenio Hall.  Also, in a bizarre twist, I totally have the HOTS for Eddie Murphy in this movie!  I know, he hasn't been really funny since the 80s (although my grandmother LOVED that movie where he played the obese scientist), but still!  His character in C2A is totally dreamy, and he has the most winning and adorable smile ever.

  And, Arsenio Hall and that earring!  Need I say more?  In addition to this, they do those very authentic Zumundian/African accents and they play all the guys in the barber shop, among other characters.   The clothes are to DIE for.  Acid wash pleated mom jeans on the dudes, super tiny crop tops and mini skirts for the ladies, jheri curls, lots of VERY strong and regal shoulder padding. The attention to detail is what really takes it past the realm of just good costume, and elevates it to something that is truly historically significant.

The love story is also so great, and I dunno if it is a spoke in my menstrual cycle, but it really touches the cockles of my heart.  (AKA I was tearing up, so yes, this is menstrually related).  But like when he looks at her, it is so sexy/tender/sexy.  Love that!!

There is also the bonus of Samuel L. Jackson as "Hold Up Man!"  It kind of makes me wonder, is this one of the first movies where he perfected this attitude/character, which I guess he has been using a lot in the years since then (as noted from that amazing soundboard I just linked). 

The movie has been on HBO like every time I turn on the TV.  And I am NOT a big TV person at all, so this is another instance of that unfortunate (or very fortunate!) situation where you manage to always catch the exact same scene of that exact same rerun of whatever show... etc.  But, in this case, every time I see it on TV, I have to watch. It's like what Overboard was to my very eventful 2010.  Same deal.

I feel so much better! I just had to get this off my chest, so thanks for hearing my confession.

Gone til November

I am sad to say that I will have to take an extended pause from blogging. I have this huge test coming up in October to get my professional engineers license, and I really need to get my ass in gear. First of all, it's on basically the entire gamut of fire protection engineering, which includes a lot of stuff I don't do on a regular basis, or at all. Great! Second, I haven't taken a test since like 2006, so it's going to be really rough. I used to be a test taking pro. I went to college! I was the freaking valedictorian of my high school! I knew how to cram like a pro! Is there a class you can take to re-learn how to learn?

Also, I am going on 3 weeks worth of vacation before doomsday, so I need to maximize my non-vacation time for studying. This test is actually ruining my life. Halloween this year is going to be a pathetic joke, cause a good costume requires time and many trips to goodwills and craft stores! I am depressed just thinking about missing that. But, I promise to get back to the ol' web log as soon as the life ruining is finished. I might even write a tiny tiny bit if something really earth shifting pops up, but most likely I will try to have some small amount of willpower to resist the seductive pull of the interwebs. Uch, and I just let myself get addicted to Reddit too! O the injustice!

Please say a prayer for me at your Danielle Shrine every night or morning, depending on your prayer schedule preferences, until October 25th, and 8 weeks beyond. Tell God, or whoever, that I should definitely pass, because I do NOT want to be doing this studying nonsense again, ever, preferably. Also, I like stamps with my name on them, which I would actually be allowed to get if I pass!! Ok, now it will be infinitely embarrassing if I don't pass. So announcing this to the porn hunters and bots that frequent my blog will hopefully inspire me to be really committed to avoiding the shame of "public" failure.

Thank you and goodnight until November!

farts

omg the farts that are coming out of me right now are so deadly. i wanna eat them up. they smell like weird food that's been stepped on. so danielle has been asking me for decades to write this blog entry. literally decades. that's how much she likes my farts. ok starting off i will describe all the times i have farted in public and what ensued after.

1. this fart happened when i was a junior in high school. i was working at starbucks (before i got fired) and i was leaning over and cleaning the tables when i felt some pressure at my asshole. you know how it goes. so i thought, oh i'll just release it slowly. no sound, no foul. so i did that but it didn't work out as planned. as it came out, it just came out full speed. there must have been a turd behind it that made it come out faster. anyway, i was there, leaning over, wearing my green apron, scrubbing the tables and i let out a massive fart. it didn't smell that bad but it was definitely loud and there was definitely someone right behind me as i let it out. sorry to that person. if we ever meet, sorry!

2. another time i was at sarah lawrence and in the library upstairs in the computer room. i could feel a big one coming on but i didn't feel like getting up and walking all the way to the bathroom! no way! so instead i decided i would just let it out and pretend it wasn't me. this was actually much easier than i thought because i had headphones on and it kind of felt like the fart must have come from someone else since i couldn't really hear it. so i let that one rip too and the girl to the right of me obviously immediately looked up from whatever bullshit she was doing to make a disgusted face but i just kept on typing. you see, if you don't admit that you did the fart, most people will assume you didn't. so for this fart i just wore headphones and let them out and it was like i didn't have to acknowledge my farts because i didn't hear them. i'm not sorry about those farts.

3. another farting episode came during a yoga class i was forced to attend (you know who you are). i was in the class, prending to go through the motions as if i knew what i was doing. the whole time i felt like i had to fart but it kept going away, coming back. finally at the end of the class, the urge came back! i decided why not, ill let this one out too. i didn't know if it was gonna be a deadly night shade type of fart or loud or silent or what! it was a total mystery to me as it was to everyone else in the class who heard it. so i let it out right next to sue and melissa and they preceded to crack up. i like to think i didn't crack a smile but i did. i think the instructor wasn't too pleased. she was REALLY into yoga. this really disrupted the "flow" of the class. she prolly pretended she didn't even have an asshole, the liar.

4. another time, i was at golden best sitting outside with muh girls when i had to fart and i decided being outside was the best to do it. so i let this one go too but just as it ended, a big old hipster fart came walking by. he had heard the whole thing and he didn't even congratulate me!

according to melissa, this last fart description doesn't do it justice so i will elaborate. ok. i was facing melissa and katie and i KNEW that a guy was walking towards us and maybe i wanted to impress him or maybe i wanted to impress my friends with how i could slip a fart right past this guy without him even knowing! so i decided to go for it and fart before he had a chance to be near me. but unfortunately (or fortunately) he was crossing my path RIGHT as the fart came out and he heard the whole thing. I guess my depth perception was off. or maybe he took one look at me and decided he wanted to propose to me so he sped up his walking only to hear me fart and be too horrified to keep going with his plan. either way, we never spoke and he didn't congratulate me or high five me or anything. this is how i knew this wasn't the man for me.

that is all for now! love you

I swear I will be back soon!