I guess a lot of people move in and out of swanky apartments around October, so the apartment complex had a huge dumpster outside for residents to throw away their fancy crap, and this giant dumpster was sitting outside some of our windows. One Thursday afternoon, we hear a lot of noise, and we look out the window, and the giant dumpster is on FIRE. this:
Unfortunately, I did not have the presence of mind to start video taping from the start, and then coworker and I chattered and shrieked through the rest of the fire, so this doesn't really capture just how huge the fire was. Also, literally seconds after I stopped recording, one of the fire fighters accidentally shot another fire fighter in the face with the hose, blowing off his helmet. That would have really made for an awesome and worthwhile youtube video, but NO, I had to get impatient.
So anyway, we all thought it was just perfect that there was a big fire outside of a FIRE PROTECTION ENGINEERING office, so we were laughing and having a jolly old time, wondering about the heat release rates, as our windows cracked from the heat.
After the fire department had taken care of business, the apartment complex looked at the security footage and ... the plot thickens! They saw a figure in a black trench coat and black "Indiana Jones" hat throwing something into the dumpster right before the fire started! ARSON! I should mention that it was REALLY warm outside, as in no coats necessary at all. I have composed this amateur sketch in case you see him:
Could be a crack head got hold to the wrong stuff! O no wait! That is the wrong one... let me see... Ok... here he is:
Note the black trench coat, the hat and the flames. So now if you see him, you can make a citizen's arrest! The thing was that he had the looks of a person who had a rough time in high school... someone like... someone like...
Yeah! That's it. Ok so basically, they knew it was an arsonist setting dumpsters to the torch! They told us that we should keep an eye out, that the guy would probably come back! As if the knowledge that a creepy trench-coat wearing person already was sneaking around, but to think he would come back. Yikes!
Cut to Friday!
HE COMES BACK!
STILL WEARING THE SAME TRENCH COAT AND HAT IN THE BALMY WEATHER. He strolls on by the office, and by the dumpster, then he heads out to the water taxi where he waits. We call the building management people, review videos and confirm YES it's the same guy, so the cops are called. The arsonist is STILL waiting for the water taxi (we can see it from our window). A lone cop comes minutes after he boards the boat, and doesn't want to do any policing, but would rather shoot the shit with my boss. As the arsonist rides across the harbor to a KNOWN docking location; he is the only passenger on the water taxi. This would have been the EASIEST catch ever for the cop, and yet, he explained, he was about to get off for the evening, so there was really no point. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?
So this whole situation is really silly, and I understand laziness, I do, but REALLY?
So the cop leaves, and life goes on.
LATER FRIDAY NIGHT
Our friend was in town and the weather was lovely so we decided to go out to Fell's Point and have some dinner at a restaurant, choosing the outdoor seating. So I am relating this crazy arsonist story to the friend, and we are eating, and lo and behold. BLACK HAT/BLACK TRENCH COAT walks by my table. No joke, same exact guy from earlier in the day. He was extremely distinct... it wasn't just any old trench coat, it was like old-timey steam punk living in mom's basement. He was with a friend, a skinny freak dude with lots of piercings and tattoos. So I did what any normal person would do, and sat dead silent until the duo passed, then I absolutely freaked out. FREAKED OUT! I mean really, seeing this guy again, on the loose! I ran up to the hostess, who the arsonist and co had briefly stopped and stood near, and I was all like "DO YOU KNOW THOSE PEOPLE?!" and she was terrified of me. I tried to explain this whole story, and she gave me the eyes that say "you are delusional."
Meanwhile, husband and friend are really annoyed at my histrionics. I don't just get worked up about things, I get really shrill and I talk very fast, and I become unbearable. It's just me being me! So we finish our meal, and we are going to walk over to bars for some drinks - might I point out that through all the freaking out I was uncomfortably sober. And I could not stop obsessing about the arsonist ON THE LOOSE!
As we walk through Fell's Point, there is a gang of FIRE FIGHTERS! I try to control my need to shriek my story at them, but I fail. I run up and start asking if they know about the Canton dumpster fire from the day before, and Yes! These are the very fire fighters who put that fire out! I ask, was there another fire?! Why are they there? They tell me that there is no fire, and that they are just there, hanging out.
"Well," I tell them, "the arsonist who set the dumpster on fire is HERE! I saw him walking around tonight, he is wearing a black trench coat and hat, so if you see him, he's your guy." And then I run away, because oh my god, that sounds completely insane and paranoid.
At that point husband and friend are about to just ditch me - they can't handle the insanity - so I swear that the freakout is over, since telling the fire fighters counts as "warning the authorities."
I have no real end to this story, because the arsonist of Canton is still at large, terrorizing our community's waste collection bins. In conclusion, be weary all ye Baltimorians, for he is out there, waiting, watching.
1 comment:
SERIOUSLY, WTF in your office neighborhood? These are all 20-somethings (men and women) TONS walking their dogs, babies, or jogging... This has to be an EXPENSIVE area...trust fund babies, that's my only explanation.
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